Change your name for $100,000??

AMAZING OFFER!

I could only wish that I was given this offer. In my (warped) mind changing your name legally still isn't official to me. Your name is your name. So if some rich ass wants to dump six figures my way so my "real" name is an URL, then so be it.

You can call me IKEA.com!

-IKEA.com

Dyslexia and the Truth!

The headlines on Yahoo have "Signs he's really Mr. Right" directly next to "Ricky Martin Comes Out," and I originally read it as "Mr. Right Comes Out." And isn't that always the case, ladies?

Y'all girls hear me!?

daddy out!

-a.

Free Scripts!

I'm quite against people selling scripts that they don't truly own and taking advantage of aspiring writers who don't have much money to begin with. So I'll keep an active list of official scripts that I've purchased and/or acquired, if you see something you like, send me a message and I'll email the script(s) to you as a PDF.

My imaginative inventory includes:

Modern Family - Pilot
The Big Bang Theory - Pilot
How I Met Your Mother - Pilot
Community - Pilot
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Gang Gets Crippled
30 Rock - Tracy Does Conan / The Head and the Hair / Jack Tor

Enjoy!
-a.

Moo?

Just saw Food, Inc. last night. It is not a fun movie.

I feel guilty.

-a.

Celebrities Being Cool

This will be a new segment (although probably rare) where I point out celebrities being cool. Now the two celebrities I have for you today are already fine in my book, and I've never had, nor see me ever having qualms with these two. They seem genuinely nice, and now apparently I want to hang out with them ASAP:

Jenna Fischer: Yep, the once receptionist now sales(wo)man for Dunder Mifflin apparently 1) plays board games with her husband, and 2) loves Carcassonne! I already thought of her to be awesome when she posted a large blog entry to help people starting out in the showbiz industry, but this takes the river. Jenna plays with Meeples!

Mila Kunis: The nagging girlfriend from That 70's Show and Jason Segal's love interest in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, apparently plays Settlers of Catan. That isn't what impresses me though, when she described it as "a mixture of Risk and Monopoly" to which the interviewer asks "Like the old version of Axis and Allies?" Mila then freaks and says "Yes, exactly! Oh, my gosh!" So she 1) knows of Axis and Allies, and 2) has at least played it enough to know how great it is. She knows that Infantry roll 2's for defense.

Kudos, ladies. I'm ready for both games whenever you are.

As for you other celebs, do something cool in public, and I'll congratulate you here on my blog that nobody reads. Pretty exciting, ay?

-a.

TV hits new lows

"Defenders" (CBS)
Jerry O'Connell and Jim Belushi star as "fiery Las Vegas defense attorneys." Doesn't sound so bad... until you realize that it isn't a sitcom. Not sure we want to see (or would buy) either of these guys as hard-hitting lawyers.

I truly believe that no one could ever have an idea that is worse than this.

At this time there is no website to promote this disaster. Give it time though... give it time.

-a.

Tina

Recently a young 17 year old guy asked out a girl to the prom on national television (the Early Show on CBS). I must congratulate this kid for not only having the courage to go through with this plan (I've thought of it myself when I was younger) but also for having the girl say "yes" in front of millions.

Well played, sir, if I actually went through with this act at that age, the girl would've replied with laughter or "who are you?" Kudos!

Although I must pity you, because I'm sure you won't spend your prom night buying Frankenberry like this guy. Few can make that claim... very few.

-a.

Byager! ("Victory!" in Trandoshan a.k.a Dosh)

This morning gave birth to the results for the top movies viewed this past weekend, and rightfully so m'lady Jennifer Aniston's film, The Bounty Hunter, has failed to be the #1 weekend movie. Alice and Diary of a Wimpy Kid stole the money and show.

"Why did Aniston's film flop?"

Great question, you see, Most people like myself probably assumed that Aniston's film was solely about the bounty hunters from the Star Wars universe (i.e. Dengar, IG-88, Zuckuss, 4-Lom, Bossk, Boba Fett, Danz Borin, Feltipern Trevagg, Greedo, to name a few). Obviously by Aniston's film being ranked #3, there were no signs of The Hound's Tooth zooming by, or any scenes featured on Ord Mantell.

You blew it, baby. You blew it big time, like Death Star explosion big time. (sorry, Emperor)

-a.

Viva la France!

I did it! I took the plunge and finally pre-ordered Commands & Colors: Napoleonics. It's due out in 2011, but I was afraid of missing out on the pre-order sale price of $49.00 (as opposed to the normal $69.00). They don't charge me yet, but I've already set aside $60 (lousy S&H) for the game so there's no excuse for me not to get it next year.

While registering with GMT's website I was asked a question that frightened me; email address? Now my current email account is with yahoo, and I hate it, but I am too lazy to transfer all of my information to my gmail account. So I just signed up under my gmail account.

Hmmm... I wonder if I'll still be with Yahoo in a year from now. I severely hope not, but laziness is as powerful of a nemesis as Kutuzov, no?

-a.

No Call, No Show

Spike TV has decided to pass on my being the host of their new late night talk show. I guess they didn't see enough star power in the man who has already graced national televisions for a solid two minutes. They also probably felt that an over-achiever, such as myself, was over qualified after hearing that I was in the finals for McGuire's Funniest Person on Long Island contest two consecutive times.

Normally I would be bummed over this, but it's cool. You see, I had a potential employer e-mail me back about a potential part-time Customer Service position. So as you can see this feisty feline will be landing on his feet no matter what. <--SARCASM!

-a.

BOR-ING!

Television has officially decided to air anything:

Taking on Tyson will be a reality show for Mike Tyson and his large collection of pet birds. Yep, that's it. He'll feed them. He'll talk to them. He'll also race them. Haven't you ever wanted to see two birds both owned by Mr. Tyson, and see who could best whom? Well, thanks to Animal Planet, now you can!

I for one would much rather see a reality show of Barbara Walters washing her hands in different sinks and with different soaps. Think about it, how does her elderly skin handle the effects of Dial? Irish Spring? Ivory? The possibilites are damn near endless (same for the emotional roller coaster ride).

Sorry, "Iron" Mike, but your show is for the birds.*


-a.



*= I only said that lame joke to beat all the hacks of America who will be saying that non-stop when this show premieres.

A Message to Shia LaBeouf

Shia Labeouf was in a car accident that was not his fault. He's had a DUI charge before and the media went wild on alcoholic assumptions. He had a green light and some other guy blew his red and rolled over Shia's truck. The car door was closed on what was Shia's hand and his fingers were separated from his hand and scattered on the street.

All of this is disturbing for anyone involved (celebrity or civilian) anyway, Khloe (who?) Kardashian (Kim's sister) apparently has assumed the role of big sis for Shia telling him to "just be smarter." She has said other crap but who cares.

Apparently Shia does, he's a bit pissed that she has commented on it numerous times. What Shia needs to do is not worry what some ugly reality "star" has to say. He should worry about how he has ignored pretty much 97% of Minor Threats lyrics.

-a.

Audition! What?

Yeps! I had an audition today to be a host on a new late night talk show for Spike TV. The ad online said they wanted normal guys who like Video Games, the internet and beer. I like two of those things, and figured "why not?" Super pal Chontel and I headed down to NYC, and I had my thirty second bit ready. Then as we enter the comedy club, Comix, a member of the casting agency announced that we will not be doing thirty second bits anymore. Now we will be telling stories.

I SUCK at telling stories when it's forced. If it was in a casual conversation and my story made sense to be told I would tell it. In this situation it's just weird. I got called (#11) and I was told to describe myself. I explained my 1943 score and the thrash band I had/have, Adam's Apples.

The casting director seemed to enjoy all of that, then she asked for me to tell a tale. I told the story about my first audition (see future post regarding that) she seemed nice enough to listen, ha.

In all honesty I don't mind. I LOVE performing, but I'd rather write. I like to perform on my conditions. If I did get called back for this obviously I'd jump for it and do whatever I have to. But from now on, auditions should be much easier for me since I treat them like open mics and give a very cool "whatevs" approach.

Lates,
-a.

I Never use Auto-Fire

Ever since I saw King of Kong, I became very interested in getting a top score in an arcade game. After spending some time considering which title to choose, I decided on the amazing Capcom shooter 1943. At the time I wasn't very good and could barely get past the second stage. But now my score has cracked a million! Sadly, that only makes me (unofficially) sixth place in the world (NOTE: re-read the title).

Two days ago I was messing around with another World War II shooter I enjoy, Ghost Pilots. I haven't played in a long time and didn't expect to do very well, yet I scored 287,900 points. I immediately went to TwinGalaxies.com to see where that placed me, and was excited to see that I was (unofficially) fourth place!

Come yesterday I got my score up to 428,400 points. That's 400 points more than the top score listed on Twin Galaxies! So I am (once again unofficially) first place! All I need to do now is record my play and submit.

I just don't want my many (ha!) fans to worry. First and foremost I do not let these "goals" interfere with my writing, and second my top goal is 1943. Sorry, Ghost Pilots, but that game has something you don't -- the Yamato.

Joe Lawson, You've Done it Again!

Last night's episode of Modern Family (Truth Be Told) was phenomenal. I couldn't stop thinking about the joke with Cam tricking Mitchell into singing "Shout!" Also, I absolutely loved the Flyza Minelli bird and Zsa Zsa Gaboa snake jokes.

Once again a Modern Family episode had completely captured and harnessed my sense of humor, and who do I see that penned the episode but a Mr. Joe Lawson. Keep it up,man, I can only hope to write scripts with our shared sense of humor half as good as you do.

-adam.

I'm important too, America!

Miley Cyrus has a new leading man!

I'm just curious as to why this is news. I was on national TV, people, and not one magazine, periodical or even a dirtsheet has anything written about my romantic adventures with any of the many ladies in my life. Thanks to TIME magazine ignoring me, my legion of fans will never know of my accurate portrayal of the date Scarlett Johansen and I went on two years ago.

Sorry, my adoring public, but until a noteworthy magazine finds me noteworthy, you'll just have to nibble on that appetizer before the main course of gossip.

-a.

Oscar Aftershocks

Gosh, I don't know about you guys but I still have chills from Oscar night. I've gotten very little sleep since that star-studded event. I just can't get the image of Sandra Bullock's gorgeous dress and even more gorgeous Oscar out of my mind. Same goes for you too, Katheryn Bigelow.

If I ever had the glorious chance to meet you, Miss Katheryn Bigelow, I'd have to ask if there's any relation to Bam Bam. Same goes for you too, Sandra Bullock.

with flames tattooed on my scalp,
adam.

Oscar Buzz!

Last night I watched two episodes of the Critic and a match between Big Van Vader and Cactus Jack (from Saturday Night 4/17/1993) and not once did I think of tuning in to the Oscars.

Now, I don't watch award shows because I hate main stream things (Dad!!!) or because I'm too cool (believe me, my bookshelf will kill that hypothesis). I just don't care about new movies, or what actors won what and why.

I pretty much like 10 or so films. Here they are:

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
The Matrix
The Matrix Reloaded
The Matrix Revolutions
Mulholland Drive
Ed Wood
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
Reservoir Dogs
Shawshank Redemption
The Hudsucker Proxy

If an award show movies doesn't discuss these films then I'm not interested in it. Screw you, modern day!

-a.

COOL!

For a good six months I have been eating cereal for lunch, and today I got such a major payoff. In my box of Cheerios, I received a race car that moves on its own when I pull back on it.

How cool is that?

I'll tell you...

Very cool.

Unfortunately, I am 26 so this excitement must be suppressed in front of family. But isn't it cool that I scored a prize in a cereal box? That hasn't happened since I got a blue wristband in my box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in first grade!

-a.

The Brightside to Unemployment #3

Catching up on all my stories.

Yup! I can now watch All My Children every weekday and stay current with all the happenings of Pine Valley. Finally, Dixie returns, but sadly she is still just a ghost. It pains me to see her aiding Tad and Kate when we all know damn well she belongs with Tad now and forever more.

YES, I'm aware that this plot is from 2008, but I have a lot of catching up to do (thank you, TVblinx). Now I shall leave all you Pine Valley-ans with a quote:


"There was never a Tad without a Dixie."
-Brooke English

-a.

The Bright Side to Unemployment #2

Never having to get up early.

This bright side applies to all but me. You see, I've always had a problem sleeping past 6:30am. I naturally wake up early, even if I went to sleep at 2am. This has been my curse since I was a child.

The bright side of my curse is that I'm never late for work when I am employed. Pretty neat, huh?


Yeah.

-a.

The Bright Side to Unemployment #1

No office gossip.

That's right, by being unemployed you will not have to hear about the trials and tribulations of your co-workers from other co-workers. This, I find to be very uplifting.

-a.