Regrets:

Before I was funny solo, I was in a sketch troupe that had an awesome name and did very little. We were The Square Foot and we had many great ideas that never came to fruition. We were young and lazy.

Surprisingly, the laziest (me) decided to take a sketch writing class at the Upright Citizens Brigade Training Center in NYC. Thanks to the class I was informed about Liquid Courage a (then) weekly Friday night show at midnight that lets sketch troupes practice their work in front of a live audience.

We showed up way too early and were let in to watch the troupe on stage. I was separated from the remaining square feet because I was caught off guard by seeing Paul Sheer on stage. This was long before Human Giant but still interesting because I knew him from Best Week Ever. Though he always made me laugh on that show he failed me greatly that night.

During a scene about dads looking for Christmas trees and lights, one asked for a tree like the one from the Lord of the Rings films. Then Paul Sheer decided to ask for a Death Star to place atop of the tree and he proceeded to say "it's the size of a small planet."

No! The Death Star is not the size of a small planet, but the size of a small moon. I so badly wanted to shout this and be the dick who thought greater of himself. But I let it go and to this day don't know why I did. I'd just love to brag about how I was a complete ass solely because someone mis-quoted and mis-sized the Death Star.

Oh, well.

Paul Sheer has redeemed himself by being probably as huge of a LOST fan as I am and always will be. So he's cool in my book.

LOST rant (SPOILER WARNING!!!!)

MTV asked several NYC morons (excluding the tall guy) how they felt about the unanswered questions on LOST and most of them complain about crap they told us:

Aaron: it was revealed that the psychic who told Claire that her baby was special, was found out to be a fraud in the episode that he appears in that is Eko centric (I suck at title names for shows). That was the writers' way of letting that secret out, yet being sneaky about it.

Walt: they never explain him. Oh, well, they also never explained why Miles could commune with the dead.

The Island: The island is NOT what you make it to be! The island did in fact exist (under Jacob's rules) Hurley is believed to have changed Jacob's rules (thus allowing people to leave the island if they wish.) The island (I believe) was a testing facility for all of the cast (but the series focuses on Jack) [more in the next part]

Alternate Timeline: THIS was a sort of purgatory where our cast was to find one another after their test. Once they were found and united they would move forward to their Heaven. Basically the show was saying that these people created their own afterlife built of the most important people in their lives. Jack asks his father if they are dead and Christian replies: "Some before you and some long after you." He later says that "there is no 'now,' here." Meaning that time is irrelevant in the afterlife.

So to help the lady who refused to listen and finds it odd that Sawyer can be on the Aijira flight and simultaneously in the afterlife; there is no such thing as what we know as time in their afterlife. It runs parallel with the belief that we all are in Heaven prior to being born, then when we die here on Earth we return there. LOST had it be where our souls are in the afterlife already waiting for us, they already lived our life. Our bodies are just vessels for the Earth and once the body dies that part of your spirit (call it your mind, or conscious what have you) returns to your soul.

As to why Faraday, Miles, Charlotte and Lepidus are not gathered with our Losties, Desmond answers that to Eloise Hawking (Faraday's mother) when she asks "Are you taking my son?" and Desmond replies with "Ay, but not with me." Faraday did not have a deep relationship with the Losties, he had a stronger bond with Charlotte (who also didn't share much with our Losties). I feel that Miles and Lepidus should have been with them since they spent the most time with them, but this could be answered by them not realizing that the Alternate Timeline was the afterlife (we never saw Miles, Lepidus or Charlotte ever come to this realization, perhaps it happens at a later time <-- but how could it if time does not exist there? AAAAHHHhhhh...) To break it down further in case that woman is still confused; it's possible to exist in the Real World (i.e. Island) and simultaneously in the Alternate Timeline (aka afterlife) the show explained it but it used a bunch of big words and asked us to listen and slightly interpret. So just pretend that you got it. My remaining questions are what is up with the DHARMA station The Door? Or the Hurley Bird? Those are what truly matter.

I hope I helped in an obnoxious way ;)

-a.

Audition! What?

Yeps! I had an audition today to be a host on a new late night talk show for Spike TV. The ad online said they wanted normal guys who like Video Games, the internet and beer. I like two of those things, and figured "why not?" Super pal Chontel and I headed down to NYC, and I had my thirty second bit ready. Then as we enter the comedy club, Comix, a member of the casting agency announced that we will not be doing thirty second bits anymore. Now we will be telling stories.

I SUCK at telling stories when it's forced. If it was in a casual conversation and my story made sense to be told I would tell it. In this situation it's just weird. I got called (#11) and I was told to describe myself. I explained my 1943 score and the thrash band I had/have, Adam's Apples.

The casting director seemed to enjoy all of that, then she asked for me to tell a tale. I told the story about my first audition (see future post regarding that) she seemed nice enough to listen, ha.

In all honesty I don't mind. I LOVE performing, but I'd rather write. I like to perform on my conditions. If I did get called back for this obviously I'd jump for it and do whatever I have to. But from now on, auditions should be much easier for me since I treat them like open mics and give a very cool "whatevs" approach.

Lates,
-a.

Philosophers on Trains: "$4.25"

Yesterday was my TV script-writing class in NYC, so naturally I had to take the train yet again. My class was sadly canceled, and we all left early. I luckily snagged the 7:44pm train and was happy to know that I'd be home by 9:10pm. But dark clouds were gathering.

You see, the 7:44pm train is considered to be a "peak" train. That means a lot of people tend to be on the train at that time, so the powers that be at the Long Island Rail Road decide to charge more money for each rider. So my ticket that was originally $21.50, now jumped up a whopping $4.25 because yuppies flood the train cars.

I felt as if the lady conductor was mistaken when she told me that I owed an additional $4.25. I wanted to explain that I'm not a rich yuppie traveling home to go antiquing. I'm trying to make it in the entertainment biz and as such, am low, low, low on funds. But I couldn't help but feel as if my words would not matter.

But, lucky for the LIRR, I have a suggestion for them. They should only charge the peak prices for people in a full suit. That way it's obvious those with jackets, suits, and ties can afford the annoying peak charge, while us norms can enjoy being screwed at the normal rate.

To me that sounds fair!