When I was growing up my dad always bragged on and on about the Beatles and how they created music, and that all the bands I listen to should thank them for starting up this thing called "music." So I don't think that I was so dumb to assume every British sounding performer on the radio was in fact the Beatles.
All this came to a grinding halt when in 6th or 7th grade when I told my mom that my favorite Beatles song was "Changes." She laughed and said that it was a David Bowie song. I was confused. Nonetheless the Beatles died a little bit that day, and this "David Bowie" rose to prominence.
It went on like that for many years until I finally got a Best of CD for Bowie and realized that Lennon and McCartney were too busy smoking up with Dylan to write "Modern Love." For shame on you, Beatles. Were you too busy wasting recording time for "Yellow submarine" to ignore the awesomeness of Under Pressure? If anything, bands I like should be thanking Bowie (and most do). Go get a haircut, you hippies!
Sorry dad.
-a.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Population: Me
Today marks the end of shopping in stores for me. From here on out (unless absolutely necessary) I shop online only. This way I avoid old acquaintances, hot stores due to too many shoppers, traffic, and slow moving lines. Ah, the holidays.
Good luck with your shopping and stay away from the stores. It's just not worth it.
-a.
Good luck with your shopping and stay away from the stores. It's just not worth it.
-a.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Evilive
So many bad, negative and evil things in this world all have a fan, following or message board; Satan, Pedophilia, Hall & Oates. But there is one thing I believe we can all agree on...hating, and that is pot holes.
Weird, huh?
Weird, huh?
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Writer's Block
I'm fairly certain I have a case of this right now. I'm trying to tighten and punch up my spec for Community, and it is just so difficult today. Unfortunately I've been too busy (and lazy) since last Friday for writing and I feel as if I'm being punished for that now.
Perhaps to jump start my funny bone I'll tell an impromptu joke right now:
What did the potato say to the onion?
"What are you crying about?"
What did the onion reply with?
"I've just been diagnosed with a rare skin condition."
OH!
that was all improv, although I did have to fix the many type-o's I made when trying to type such a string of funny words.
Thank you, and you're welcome.
-a.
Perhaps to jump start my funny bone I'll tell an impromptu joke right now:
What did the potato say to the onion?
"What are you crying about?"
What did the onion reply with?
"I've just been diagnosed with a rare skin condition."
OH!
that was all improv, although I did have to fix the many type-o's I made when trying to type such a string of funny words.
Thank you, and you're welcome.
-a.
Monday, November 23, 2009
When Black Friday Comes
Yes, the title comes from a Steely Dan song. No, I do not like them. My parents love them and I unfortunately know a lot about them and their music.
Anywho, I may be unemployed but cannot help but celebrate the fact that I do not work in retail. When I did for many years I dreaded Black Friday all year round, especially the week of. I dreaded being yelled at (and feigning interest) because we ran out of Van Wilder in the $5 DVD bins, or the mom's who came in at 10pm looking for Furby--at the height of Furby's popularity!
I just want to let current retail employees know that I feel their pain, and to help alleviate them of that pain I will not be shopping Friday. I'll be one less person for them to worry about.
Unfortunately that elderly woman who yelled at me a few years back because we had only one copy of Jeopardy! for PC will more than likely be searching for something equally useless and in low quantity. Best of luck, gang!
-a.
Anywho, I may be unemployed but cannot help but celebrate the fact that I do not work in retail. When I did for many years I dreaded Black Friday all year round, especially the week of. I dreaded being yelled at (and feigning interest) because we ran out of Van Wilder in the $5 DVD bins, or the mom's who came in at 10pm looking for Furby--at the height of Furby's popularity!
I just want to let current retail employees know that I feel their pain, and to help alleviate them of that pain I will not be shopping Friday. I'll be one less person for them to worry about.
Unfortunately that elderly woman who yelled at me a few years back because we had only one copy of Jeopardy! for PC will more than likely be searching for something equally useless and in low quantity. Best of luck, gang!
-a.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Tuesdays!?!?! February!?!?!?
That is correct. The final season of LOST will not air on it's usual day of Wednesday (ignoring Season 4's Thursday slot) but on Tuesday's starting February 2, 2010. I'm excited that we have a definitive date and the lame Olympics won't interfere, but I hate the sound of "February."
Even if the show started on January 31st, it sounds so much closer. Anyway this season premiere will have all the usual trimmings; One hour re-cap of the past seasons, and 2 episodes back-to-back.
I shall see my old friend every Tuesday night at 9 p.m. and I hope you all do the same.
I got this info from a link off of Lostpedia.
Proof I'm not making this up --> CLICK ME!
Even if the show started on January 31st, it sounds so much closer. Anyway this season premiere will have all the usual trimmings; One hour re-cap of the past seasons, and 2 episodes back-to-back.
I shall see my old friend every Tuesday night at 9 p.m. and I hope you all do the same.
I got this info from a link off of Lostpedia.
Proof I'm not making this up --> CLICK ME!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Eclipsed by New Moon
I have finally finished my vampire series Bela Lugosi's First Date, and it is eclipsed (no pun intended) by the theatrical release of New Moon. I have been busting my hump to get these final pages to my editor (Gregory Hoffman) and now he says he can't revise them today because he, his 6 year old daughter and his 21 year old son have plans to see the midnight showing of New Moon.
Come on! I have written pages upon pages of Bela Lugosi in high school wanting to be an actor, but secretly knowing that he is an agent of the undead, and has a crush on non other than the ghoulish cheerleader!!! I have also planned out a fantastic board game where you play the role of any of your favorite characters (the Ghoulish Cheerleader "Gina," the Mummified Quarterback "Jake," the Mad Earth Scientist "Prof. Bumble," and of course "Bela Lugosi") and you roll a D6 (6 sided die) and move that many spaces and draw cards, and buy properties such as: B&O Graveyard Railroad, Water Works of Doom, Broadway Bat Cave, and so on. But now that my book's publication has been pushed, back your children will have to wait until fall of next year to read and play these delightful creations of mine.
Thanks for nothing, Stephanie Meyer. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to write a cross-over series where my characters kick the crap out of your characters, and my editor in this tale will not see your movie, but see "Shanghai Night" because it happens to be a good film, not a crappy book turned to crappy film.
Hmph!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Apologies.
I have failed my hungry readers once again by not writing a post yesterday. When days that like that occur (hopefully not too often) I'd like to divert your attention to another (better) blog:
Dear Mr. So and So
It's a blog where two of my funny friends write letters to one another (almost like improv, but in between pen pals.)
I like it so much that I've decided to steal that idea and write a book using that style. Now my book will be solely written by my funny self. So the idea would only be half-stolen.
Enjoy!
-a.
Dear Mr. So and So
It's a blog where two of my funny friends write letters to one another (almost like improv, but in between pen pals.)
I like it so much that I've decided to steal that idea and write a book using that style. Now my book will be solely written by my funny self. So the idea would only be half-stolen.
Enjoy!
-a.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Heathens rent DVD's too?
I was raised to respect other people's property (a.k.a. the O.P.P. Philosophy) and I have kept in line with those teachings since day one. It probably hurt me more than helped me since I keep all of my CD's, books, DVD's and collectibles in the greatest condition to the point where I make sure my CD's and DVD's are always right side up in their case.
So knowing that about my upbringing it shouldn't surprise you how shocked and awed I am to have DVD's skip that I rent from the library. It really gets my locksmith laid off to be watching an episode of LOST from season 4 and to have scenes in my favorite episode ever (The Constant) skip so badly that the audio and video cease to match up on the disc.
I took the DVD out of the player to see what was going on, and it seriously looks like the people who had this disc under their care prior to me wiped their hands with the disc after a big dinner of KFC. What's worse is that LOST is an adult show so children should be far from these DVD's, so the culprits are from the age of 13 to 4,815,162,342 (<--see what I did there?).
Shame on you who just go all willy-nilly with other people's expensive items, and good television for that matter. I can understand this sort of treatment for a complete box set to Hee-Haw, but not LOST.
So knowing that about my upbringing it shouldn't surprise you how shocked and awed I am to have DVD's skip that I rent from the library. It really gets my locksmith laid off to be watching an episode of LOST from season 4 and to have scenes in my favorite episode ever (The Constant) skip so badly that the audio and video cease to match up on the disc.
I took the DVD out of the player to see what was going on, and it seriously looks like the people who had this disc under their care prior to me wiped their hands with the disc after a big dinner of KFC. What's worse is that LOST is an adult show so children should be far from these DVD's, so the culprits are from the age of 13 to 4,815,162,342 (<--see what I did there?).
Shame on you who just go all willy-nilly with other people's expensive items, and good television for that matter. I can understand this sort of treatment for a complete box set to Hee-Haw, but not LOST.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Dream Job #1
"Through the force, things you will see." -Yoda
Dream job #1 is most certainly a pipe dream. And I know what you're all thinking: "Adam, I thought you hate Jedi and love the Sith?" True. But the Sith have the rule I hate which is "there can only be two." (thanks for nothing Darth Bane!!) Jedi at least have an academy where you can be trained to use the force. Plus the Sith love scouting new blood by corrupting Jedi, so by becoming a Jedi a Sith Lord or Apprentice may approach me and ask for me to join their cause (obviously my new master and I would have to slay the other Sith member to keep the rule of two.)
Now you are probably wondering why my #1 dream job is not "comedic writer" or "part of a successful sketch troupe." And that is because I truly believe that those two goals (especially the former) are most certainly attainable by me, and I'd also like to not consider them "dream jobs."
Thanks so much for reading this week and may the force be with you.
-adam.
Dream job #1 is most certainly a pipe dream. And I know what you're all thinking: "Adam, I thought you hate Jedi and love the Sith?" True. But the Sith have the rule I hate which is "there can only be two." (thanks for nothing Darth Bane!!) Jedi at least have an academy where you can be trained to use the force. Plus the Sith love scouting new blood by corrupting Jedi, so by becoming a Jedi a Sith Lord or Apprentice may approach me and ask for me to join their cause (obviously my new master and I would have to slay the other Sith member to keep the rule of two.)
Now you are probably wondering why my #1 dream job is not "comedic writer" or "part of a successful sketch troupe." And that is because I truly believe that those two goals (especially the former) are most certainly attainable by me, and I'd also like to not consider them "dream jobs."
Thanks so much for reading this week and may the force be with you.
-adam.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Dream Job #2
My favorite firearm is Alekhine's Gun.
My 2nd most desired dream job is being a Chess Grand Master. I'm not one for traveling but I'm certain that it's because when I travel it is not to solely play chess...I also am deathly scared to fly. But if I was a Grand Master I'd travel allover the globe just to play people who do not speak the same language as me, but can read chess notation with ease (and scientists say the only universal language is math...screw you guy from Contact).
What prevents me from being a Chess Grand Master is my age. Apparently you should start at a very, very young age because a child's mind is like clay and you can mold it with any sort of knowledge for it to retain. My rock hard brain is much tougher to absorb the delicate strategies of the French Defense and all of it's variations, but I still read up on it, practice and (attempt to) execute them.
Now that I let out my biggest secrets/vulnerabilities (i.e. lack of chess knowledge and my one opening I know--for black of all colors) you can start each game as white and not do e4 and certainly not follow it with d4. If emoticons were accepted in the chess world, here is where I'd place a colon and an open parenthesis. But in stead I'll write:
1. e4 e6 2. d4 d5 3. Nc3 Bb4 4. e5 c5 5. Bd2 Ne7 6. Nb5 Bxd2+ 7. Qxd2 0–0 8. c3 b6 9. f4 Ba6 10. Nf3 Qd7 11. a4 Nbc6 12. b4 cxb4 13. cxb4 Bb7 14. Nd6 f5 15. a5 Nc8 16. Nxb7 Qxb7 17. a6 Qf7 18. Bb5 N8e7 19. 0–0 h6 20. Rfc1 Rfc8 21. Rc2 Qe8? 22. Rac1 Rab8 23. Qe3 Rc7 24. Rc3 Qd7 25. R1c2 Kf8 26. Qc1 Rbc8 27. Ba4 b5 28. Bxb5 Ke8 29. Ba4 Kd8 30. h4! h5 31. Kh2 g6 32. g3 (Zugzwang) 1-0
(the sad face emoticon is a mirror of assumption for black--note: he used the French opening also--my favorite variation too!)
-a.
My 2nd most desired dream job is being a Chess Grand Master. I'm not one for traveling but I'm certain that it's because when I travel it is not to solely play chess...I also am deathly scared to fly. But if I was a Grand Master I'd travel allover the globe just to play people who do not speak the same language as me, but can read chess notation with ease (and scientists say the only universal language is math...screw you guy from Contact).
What prevents me from being a Chess Grand Master is my age. Apparently you should start at a very, very young age because a child's mind is like clay and you can mold it with any sort of knowledge for it to retain. My rock hard brain is much tougher to absorb the delicate strategies of the French Defense and all of it's variations, but I still read up on it, practice and (attempt to) execute them.
Now that I let out my biggest secrets/vulnerabilities (i.e. lack of chess knowledge and my one opening I know--for black of all colors) you can start each game as white and not do e4 and certainly not follow it with d4. If emoticons were accepted in the chess world, here is where I'd place a colon and an open parenthesis. But in stead I'll write:
1. e4 e6 2. d4 d5 3. Nc3 Bb4 4. e5 c5 5. Bd2 Ne7 6. Nb5 Bxd2+ 7. Qxd2 0–0 8. c3 b6 9. f4 Ba6 10. Nf3 Qd7 11. a4 Nbc6 12. b4 cxb4 13. cxb4 Bb7 14. Nd6 f5 15. a5 Nc8 16. Nxb7 Qxb7 17. a6 Qf7 18. Bb5 N8e7 19. 0–0 h6 20. Rfc1 Rfc8 21. Rc2 Qe8? 22. Rac1 Rab8 23. Qe3 Rc7 24. Rc3 Qd7 25. R1c2 Kf8 26. Qc1 Rbc8 27. Ba4 b5 28. Bxb5 Ke8 29. Ba4 Kd8 30. h4! h5 31. Kh2 g6 32. g3 (Zugzwang) 1-0
(the sad face emoticon is a mirror of assumption for black--note: he used the French opening also--my favorite variation too!)
-a.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Dream Job #3
s.S -> s.S -> QCF+K -> RC -> s.HS -> QCB+P -> P -> RC -> s.HS -> QCB+P -> P
This dream job can only happen if I ever get to travel back in time (if I ignore my top place/time to be if I ever get to time travel--I'll save that for a future blog post). There was a time when I wanted to write strategy guides for 2 dimensional fighting games (i.e. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Samurai Shodown, etc.) I used to write out any and all combos I discovered, neat tricks and when that got "boring" I would then seek out and document glitches I found in games (mainly Mortal Kombat, tsk tsk Mr. Tobias).
Sadly times have changed. America doesn't want 2 dimensional games, they want Lara Croft half naked shooting a mummy, or to do guitar-karaoke to Magic Carpet Ride. So I'd be forced to write these guides in Japan. But I hate flying and don't want to learn a new language (that isn't Jawaese), so I'm stuck here doomed to complain forever...oh, and I also *quit* video games.
-a.
*= I try to find anything else to do besides play a video game (i.e. write, read, draw, re-watch LOST, Twin Peaks, etc.) When all those fail I'll dabble in a shoot-em-up (aka SHMUP) to see how high of a score I can get in ONE play on one credit.
This dream job can only happen if I ever get to travel back in time (if I ignore my top place/time to be if I ever get to time travel--I'll save that for a future blog post). There was a time when I wanted to write strategy guides for 2 dimensional fighting games (i.e. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Samurai Shodown, etc.) I used to write out any and all combos I discovered, neat tricks and when that got "boring" I would then seek out and document glitches I found in games (mainly Mortal Kombat, tsk tsk Mr. Tobias).
Sadly times have changed. America doesn't want 2 dimensional games, they want Lara Croft half naked shooting a mummy, or to do guitar-karaoke to Magic Carpet Ride. So I'd be forced to write these guides in Japan. But I hate flying and don't want to learn a new language (that isn't Jawaese), so I'm stuck here doomed to complain forever...oh, and I also *quit* video games.
-a.
*= I try to find anything else to do besides play a video game (i.e. write, read, draw, re-watch LOST, Twin Peaks, etc.) When all those fail I'll dabble in a shoot-em-up (aka SHMUP) to see how high of a score I can get in ONE play on one credit.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Dream Job #4
"Pick a card, any card!"
That's right, gang. I want to be a magician. Could you imagine getting so good at sleight of hand, that you could pick pockets, or steal someones watch while looking them in the eyes? That seems so cool to me. I'm really more interested in card magic. I just love the idea of making cards disappear, and reappear in front of large crowds. I especially love when magician's throw playing cards Gambit style also.
But sadly to do any of the above you have to train for hours upon hours each and every day. I am not willing to do that. I tried and got bored after a bit. It's fun to "practice" while I'm on the phone with someone, but I'd rather use my free time writing or reading. But, do know that on occasion I dabble with the "dark arts" to see my nephews smile in delight, as the Amazing Uncle Adam makes the penny reappear under his left hand.
-a.
That's right, gang. I want to be a magician. Could you imagine getting so good at sleight of hand, that you could pick pockets, or steal someones watch while looking them in the eyes? That seems so cool to me. I'm really more interested in card magic. I just love the idea of making cards disappear, and reappear in front of large crowds. I especially love when magician's throw playing cards Gambit style also.
But sadly to do any of the above you have to train for hours upon hours each and every day. I am not willing to do that. I tried and got bored after a bit. It's fun to "practice" while I'm on the phone with someone, but I'd rather use my free time writing or reading. But, do know that on occasion I dabble with the "dark arts" to see my nephews smile in delight, as the Amazing Uncle Adam makes the penny reappear under his left hand.
-a.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Dream Job #5
I have decided to do another week long theme for my blog. This week's theme is "Dream Jobs." Each day I shall discuss one of my top five dream jobs here in my blog. Now away we go!
Private Detective
Yep, I want this job bad. The problem is that I am not willing to put in the time to achieve this position. I also do not care for the late nights, and oh yea the DANGER! But when I picture myself having this job it is so awesome.
I wear a trench coat, I drink tons of coffee and I have a day old pizza in the box sitting on my desk. Then someone walks into my office and asks for assistance. While investigating said case, it turns out to be an X-File, and I do not get eaten by the werewolf in the end.
Sounds neat, huh? It is. But sadly I know it's fiction. I know that even if I did get a case that I'd be caught by whoever I had to spy on and be beaten, stabbed or shot. Surprisingly enough, I am a fan of any of those.
But thanks to the great show Bored to Death, I can see a writer who moonlights as a part time investigator with no credentials. Boy I wish I thought up that plot for a show. Thanks Jonathon Ames for preventing me from following through with a kooky dream job that will only get me killed.
-a.
Private Detective
Yep, I want this job bad. The problem is that I am not willing to put in the time to achieve this position. I also do not care for the late nights, and oh yea the DANGER! But when I picture myself having this job it is so awesome.
I wear a trench coat, I drink tons of coffee and I have a day old pizza in the box sitting on my desk. Then someone walks into my office and asks for assistance. While investigating said case, it turns out to be an X-File, and I do not get eaten by the werewolf in the end.
Sounds neat, huh? It is. But sadly I know it's fiction. I know that even if I did get a case that I'd be caught by whoever I had to spy on and be beaten, stabbed or shot. Surprisingly enough, I am a fan of any of those.
But thanks to the great show Bored to Death, I can see a writer who moonlights as a part time investigator with no credentials. Boy I wish I thought up that plot for a show. Thanks Jonathon Ames for preventing me from following through with a kooky dream job that will only get me killed.
-a.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Reading has taken over Video gaming?
That's right. Since I've pretty much quit video games (note: I plan on playing them occasionally some time in the future--no specific start date decided yet) all I find myself doing in my free time is reading. If 6th grade Adam ever found this out, he'd flip the fuck out...so please don't tell him. Let him discover this on his own.
Shhhhhhhhhh...
-a.
Shhhhhhhhhh...
-a.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
A Simple Request
I cannot stress this enough; if you are going to use a stall in the men's room, please close the door. Don't go all willy-nilly with the door open. It is very awkward for the guy who sees the mirage of an available stall. Thank you.
Some people...
Some people...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
School Sucks
This past Sunday my dad was watching a very old recording of Billy Crystal doing stand-up, and Billy had this (way too long if you ask me) bit of an annoying character at his 20 year High School reunion. He kept going on and on about how great it is to see everyone after all these years, and how great it is to get together every so often and reminisce.
Now I've heard people say things like that from time to time, but there really is no reason to get together again, or reminisce. Some people either didn't know about 80% of his high school (my school had a large class size)and about 19% were dicks to him for a majority of his time there. I'm not harboring a grudge or anything, it's just why do we have to talk, or meet up? We most likely grew apart? We probably have zero things in common, save one: we went to the same high school. That doesn't make me want to "catch up." I cannot believe this mentality has never crossed over into the dating world!
Guy: Hey, baby. Want to go out with me?
Girl: Ewww. No.
Guy: Why not? I mean, we're shopping in the same Home Depot?
Girl: Oh yea. I love you.
Guy: I know.
(sorry, I had to throw in the cool Han Solo line)
Stupid. But for the select few who I'd love to catch up with, feel free to contact me. And find out if you make the cut for Varsity!
-adam.
Now I've heard people say things like that from time to time, but there really is no reason to get together again, or reminisce. Some people either didn't know about 80% of his high school (my school had a large class size)and about 19% were dicks to him for a majority of his time there. I'm not harboring a grudge or anything, it's just why do we have to talk, or meet up? We most likely grew apart? We probably have zero things in common, save one: we went to the same high school. That doesn't make me want to "catch up." I cannot believe this mentality has never crossed over into the dating world!
Guy: Hey, baby. Want to go out with me?
Girl: Ewww. No.
Guy: Why not? I mean, we're shopping in the same Home Depot?
Girl: Oh yea. I love you.
Guy: I know.
(sorry, I had to throw in the cool Han Solo line)
Stupid. But for the select few who I'd love to catch up with, feel free to contact me. And find out if you make the cut for Varsity!
-adam.
Monday, November 2, 2009
O-Lame-Pics
THE HORROR!
The article above has me fuming. I am not against the Olympics because they may interfere with LOST. No, I have always been against the Olympics since I was a young boy because I knew that they were boring. Then one year the Olympics were on NBC and interfered with my Seinfeld viewing, so my hatred doubled because I wasn't going to get to watch the "Babka" episode. And now my arch nemesis; the Olympics is threatening my best friend ever; LOST.
Mark my words ancient games of skill, if you interrupt but a moment of my LOST viewing pleasure, I will personally train in a lame "sport" just so I can get on camera at the Olympic games, and flip your audience, judges and athletes the bird on live TV.
So please do not get in the camera's way of Jacob, or his enemy. The best thing you can do is stay far away from what lies in the shadow of the statue.
-adam.
The article above has me fuming. I am not against the Olympics because they may interfere with LOST. No, I have always been against the Olympics since I was a young boy because I knew that they were boring. Then one year the Olympics were on NBC and interfered with my Seinfeld viewing, so my hatred doubled because I wasn't going to get to watch the "Babka" episode. And now my arch nemesis; the Olympics is threatening my best friend ever; LOST.
Mark my words ancient games of skill, if you interrupt but a moment of my LOST viewing pleasure, I will personally train in a lame "sport" just so I can get on camera at the Olympic games, and flip your audience, judges and athletes the bird on live TV.
So please do not get in the camera's way of Jacob, or his enemy. The best thing you can do is stay far away from what lies in the shadow of the statue.
-adam.
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