American Idol ratings are going quick

Yahoo has an article on this like it's a mystery. The loss of ratings are not caused by the absence of Adam Lambert, or even Sanjaya. It's because of Miss Paula Abdul.

I knew this show would hit rock bottom someday, I just didn't think that America needed to see how badly they/we needed Paula around to keep us viewing.

The powers that be at AI are cold hearted snakes for letting her go.

First the Olympics, and now Politics

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?

President Obama wants to make a lame speech on a Tuesday. But he's torn between the Tuesday that LOST premieres on , and the Tuesday that American Idol premieres on. Apparently the dumb-ass White House is unsure what show to bump in order for Obama to not divulge secrets on Jacob and his connection to the island.

I cannot believe that my most favorite show and my most hated are the two in this debate. The answer is simple; bump American idol. Now here's how I reached that conclusion; 1) We do NOT need to see more failures on TV. 2) LOST actually has a plot and is well written, where as American Idol will have a box of douche bags doing glorified karaoke in front of judges who do not count as people.

Obama, please leave LOST alone or I will be pulling for some immediate change in Washington. That's right, I'm willing to register to vote AGAINST you, if you putz around with LOST's premiere.

-a.

More Spontaneous Jokes

Still trying to get through the cobwebs here:

Kardashian family's Christmas photo includes a celebrity they're not related to. I'll give you two hints; it's Opposite Day and it's not Dabney Coleman.

An airbrushed ad of former supermodel Twiggy leads to a government action because she had Mao Zedong watermarked on her ass. Models today think people look to them for political insight. Tsk, tsk.

A group calling itself the Iranian Cyber Army has hacked Twitter and an Iranian opposition website, replacing it with an anti-American message. The U.S. has plans to respond swiftly by hiring 7th graders to reply with "Iran is GAY!" on Obama's blog.

The Team Fortress 2 War updates have finally been revealed. Sadly, none of them include this game being completely altered to be Chrono Trigger.

The creator of “American Idol,” Simon Fuller, is developing a new reality show. No plots have been revealed yet, but it is safe to assume that it will include the mindless masses worshiping more useless people.

Better? I'll be better next week, I swear.

-a.

Yahoo's Top 10 Searches for 2009

10) Runescape: Apparently there is a free Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game or "MMORPG" (now you know--Dad!). Normally I'm against most new games because by default they suck, but I really appreciate the free aspect of this game. I don't play it, and no, not because I think I'm too cool for it. Why, just before I decided to write today's entry, I was researching HeroQuest.

9) NASCAR: Hahahahahahahahaha...

8) Kim Kardashian: I've already blogged my dislike toward this useless lady, but Yahoo claims people are Googling (is that possible?) her. Why they would want to waste their time reading up on her instead of reading my words is beyond me. I honestly cannot get over that she is a top 10 search subject. Shame on you America.

7) American Idol: It's seriously so hard to not have all of these share the same comment I put for #9. Judging from #8, it is safe to assume that America loves to research useless people.

6) Naruto: Hahahahahahahahahaha...seriously? I still think I'm cooler for researching a "dead" board game earlier!!!

5) Britney Spears: Still? Is America still that interested in her? Come on guys.

4) Megan Fox: I have yet to see a film of hers, but I can assure you as well as myself that it sucks. I don't see the whole hubbub about her. Her tattoos disgust me, but if I have to fill in a score card for her, I'd be forced to fill in something positive about her eyes. That's it!

3) WWE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...this list must be a joke. Quick history lesson, I loved wrestling from 87-91 maybe 92. Then I learned it was fake and Hogan wasn't around much so I ditched it. Came back in 98 and absolutely loved the art of it until 2000~2001. It's been a joke since. No wrestlers take risks anymore (thanks Vince) people like Rey Mysterio Jr. who were unbelievable in the 90's are no longer making jaws drop. It's sad. Now if #3 was FMW then yea, I could understand that. Thanks again America, enjoy watching John Cena bitch about not getting as good a parking spot as Randy Orton come Wrestlemania 26.

2) Twilight Saga: I don't see it. Yes, vampires are cool, and yes, Dawnson's Creek is cool, but they should never be mixed. Twilight sucks...get it? I wonder how many dad's said that terrible joke while waiting on the midnight showing line at the movies. My guess is "a lot."

1) Michael Jackson: if he didn't die he'd not be on this list. So Yahoo has taught me a few things about being noticed by America; make a sex tape, have big tits, or die.

I can make a sex tape, and die, but getting myself a nice rack may be tough to pull off, especially if they get in my way of typing what I'm aiming to be the top search of 2010; HeroQuest. 20 years late is a lot better than being popular for only this year--right Kim?

-a.

Watch The Hair, Man Part 2

“Who knew I had so much influence and that my words and opinion mattered so much to so many people!?!?! HA HA HA I’ll be the first to admit that my opinion is just that, only my opinion, but for as much as some of the bloggers seem to dislike me and care so little about my thoughts, they sure can waste a lot of their space on what I say! If only many of them took the time to pay attention to important things like the US economy and the welfare of the world’s children. But… nah… I could blog about that type of stuff anytime and most wouldn’t think twice, but let me say something that they can pick and choose quotes and misinterpret me… and it’s showtime! I never assumed my opinion mattered so much! I guess I may have been wrong.”

Yet again my blog post starts with a Shit Licker (see yesterday’s post) quote. I must go on to say that your opinions don’t matter, and that YOU are always wrong! Except for your last part there about how no one would think twice about your opinions on the US economy and the like, and there are 2 reasons for this: 1) you are not a member of office. And 2) because these “important things” couldn’t be more trivial when compared to the events involving The Adam Lambert.

What makes this hurt Shit Licker; is the fact that I was hurt when you were considered the runner-up to that hoagie Reuben Studdard. I had just as passionate posts on my old blog: “Breaking the Mold – The Clay Aiken blog” but I took that puppy down once I saw The Adam Lambert’s rockin’ rendition of ‘Ring of Fire’. So if anyone is to be the most hurt by your dagger-like words it’s me. I was there for you when you were cheated out of the prestigious American Idol title, and now (and forever or until they announce the 2010 Idol) I will be with The Adam Lambert as he reaches for the stars and gets a handful of the moon.

So as you can see I’ve been anything but idle since this past week’s Idol. I’ve been stewing about in the cauldron of my home angry over these hurtful, hateful and heinous words directed toward The Adam Lambert. Like I said, him “losing” to that non-Adam Lambert guy and you speaking poorly of his performance is just adding insult to injury (like messing a man’s hair in a fist fight).

Any who folks I truly apologize for my recent vulgarities, but someone needs to stand up to the “haters” and the “shit lickers” like Shit Licker himself. I can also sadly see that no one has performed a Clayality upon Mr. Licker and so I must end this with the same warning as yesterday: “Watch the hair, man”.

-a.

Watch The Hair, Man

“I happened to turn it [American Idol] on during the minute that Adam Lambert was singing ‘Ring of Fire’ and, at that moment, thought my ears would bleed.”

That folks, is a quote from the world’s largest shit licker: Clay Aiken. He goes on to say other false opinions regarding The Adam Lambert such as: “Not my cup of tea.”

Why not Clay? Is it because he isn’t filled with shit, you lame-ass, Pee Wee Herman looking shit licker? From now on your nick name around here will be based on your biggest hobby. Since you love to lick shit, your nick name shall forever be: Shit Licker!

Now I don’t need to tell you how upset, appalled, hurt, angered, used, defiled, and above all else defeated I feel after this week’s American Idol finals. The powers that be (worthless execs at FOX and the dumbest members of this nation) chose this year’s Idol to be some guy (with bad hair) who I refuse to say his name because he is NOT The Adam Lambert. This non-Adam Lambert is a simple “Pub Performer” (yea I said it) with bad hair, (yea I said it again!) and enjoys nothing more than to steal the spotlight with his half-assed performances. I for one cannot believe that the judges* didn’t try to veto this outrageous decision.

And now Shit Licker’s statements regarding The Adam Lambert are only adding insult to injury (like messing someone's hair in a fight). How would you like it Shit Licker if your favorite human being lost something (like their life) and all I had to say about it was that said person was “not my cup of tea.” You’d be an angry shit licker, wouldn’t you Shit Licker?

In mock of your real name and so as that I may reference ClayFighter; I hope someone soon performs a Clayality upon you. So beware of any Bad Mr. Frosty’s or Blue Suede Goo’s coming your way. And above all else Shit Licker: “Watch the hair, man!”

-a.

*After this year’s finale I believe that we have irrefutable proof that these "judges" have literal “Shit for brains”. Never has there been such a travesty unleashed upon this great nation . Yep, this is even worse than that time Sanjaya was voted off.