Submitted for your approval!

Yep, I submitted my script and application today. And I've celebrated by gluing and priming some Warhammer 40k models. After this post I'll go write up some recent ideas I got for my sci-fi tv show idea I've had. I think it's coming along nicely, but still plan on leaving it on the back burner since comedy is my flagship/forte.

But it's fun to have additional writing projects!

If you read this blog and write, keep it up. If you don't then do what you love--unless what you love is murdering turtles, then please stop that.

-a.

Twilight ruins marriages?

Yahoo had an article today about how some marriages got a bit "rocky" because one of the spouses got a little too into the Twilight series and characters.

And everyone's blaming some goth wannabe skank for breaking up Sandra Bullock and her hubby, Jesse James, when in fact it was all Edward's fault.

Team Jacob for life--sorry, dear.

-a.

Finished my Fellowship Essays

The title does not lie!

I find it funny that there aren't too many careers where applicants (or applicans) are willing to write one page essays about why they want to pursue that particular field. I know for a fact that I never would have written anything on why I want to be an Office Assistant: "I've wanted to be an Office Assistant ever since I learned the alphabet. Once I got to the letter 'F,' I just knew this is where I belong--a dusty room filled with rusted filing cabinets."

Enjoy the weekend!

-a.

Cut that hair and shave that 'stache!

I'm not into fashion at all, but the one don't I know is to just not have long, hippie hair and a gross, thin mustache. Just don't do it, guys. No one is impressed that you're both Gomez and Morticia!

Thank you.

-a.

Regrets:

Before I was funny solo, I was in a sketch troupe that had an awesome name and did very little. We were The Square Foot and we had many great ideas that never came to fruition. We were young and lazy.

Surprisingly, the laziest (me) decided to take a sketch writing class at the Upright Citizens Brigade Training Center in NYC. Thanks to the class I was informed about Liquid Courage a (then) weekly Friday night show at midnight that lets sketch troupes practice their work in front of a live audience.

We showed up way too early and were let in to watch the troupe on stage. I was separated from the remaining square feet because I was caught off guard by seeing Paul Sheer on stage. This was long before Human Giant but still interesting because I knew him from Best Week Ever. Though he always made me laugh on that show he failed me greatly that night.

During a scene about dads looking for Christmas trees and lights, one asked for a tree like the one from the Lord of the Rings films. Then Paul Sheer decided to ask for a Death Star to place atop of the tree and he proceeded to say "it's the size of a small planet."

No! The Death Star is not the size of a small planet, but the size of a small moon. I so badly wanted to shout this and be the dick who thought greater of himself. But I let it go and to this day don't know why I did. I'd just love to brag about how I was a complete ass solely because someone mis-quoted and mis-sized the Death Star.

Oh, well.

Paul Sheer has redeemed himself by being probably as huge of a LOST fan as I am and always will be. So he's cool in my book.

Hotter than Tatooine

Found this awesome link on Digg.com

It contains sexy pics of Star Wars sand sculptures. Kudos to all involved, but I must give my personal approval to the two sculptures of Jabba. It's just too apropos for the sand.

On that note--Happy Father's Day, dads!
-a.

Bobby Fischer's Body to be Exhumed for DNA to see if he's the Father of a Filipino Girl

Story on Digg.com

Some people feel that exhuming a body is just wrong. I can understand that but this is the one time to look the other way because if the story is true then Bobby Fischer gave hope to all the girl deprived chess players throughout the world!

Go, Bobby, go.

-a.

Re-writing my Pilot for the 5th time--from scratch

Yep, yesterday and today have been filled with me re-writing the pilot to a TV show idea that I've had for about three plus years from scratch. I was naive enough to believe the first draft was astounding and submitted it to the NYTVF Pilot Script contest last year only to not be contacted about it (rightfully so).

From there I wrote it again taking into account my friends notes. At first I thought my friend was way off with his opinions until I started to gain much more experience in writing. Turns out he was dead on! From there it was a screenplay, web series and even a radio drama--just kidding.

The other day while driving I was hit with this epiphany on how to structure every single episode and to use an additional storytelling device. This wraps everything up in a nice, neat little package.

So for those of you writing specs, pilots, screenplays or whatever, be sure to have others read it and heed their advice because when you go to write up your script for the fifth time from scratch with a new storytelling device, you may realize that an old critique someone gave you works really well with your new direction.

-a.

What If? Tony Orlando was a Professor of Mathematics?

Here's a question taken from one of his exams:

"If Dawn knocks three times, how much does she love me?"

I've done this joke a few times in my stand-up act and it only entertained a single elderly lady each time. This makes me believe that it is good, I just need to stop doing this joke at bars and start doing shows at retirement homes.

-a.

Boston tea Party

It's been over 50 days and the oil spill in the Gulf (allegedly) caused by BP is still the only thing people keep talking about. Everyone keeps blaming Tony Hayward and asking what he plans to do to fix it. The man just wants his life back, and I believe that he's learned an important lesson here:

Don't be so eager to mimic 1773's Boston Tea Party with oil and have it be pumped into the water as opposed to dumping it. You just may have put one too many "spins" on this "impression," Tony, to make it your own and it seems to have been lost in translation.

I learned this lesson the hard way as well when I once pissed in the ocean just before "the man" slapped me a ticket for indecent exposure. Not surprisingly, my account had just as much impact on our culture and headlines.

I'd like to take this moment and thank Tony for this clusterfuck that finally got the heat off of me much like how I'm sure Samuel Adams was thankful for me getting the heat off of him.

Apologies, Aquaman.

-a.

Aardvark does it again!

I got to help someone from India who asked me what I considered to be the greatest Comedy TV show. So I wrote:

"I'd like to think the greatest Comedy TV show ever would be one that did not overstay its welcome, one that was consistently funny and also intelligent.

I believe that Arrested Development hit all of these marks. The show was very quick witted, and had such smart humor in it. If you watched an episode once then immediately re-watched it you would notice hilarious jokes said under one's breath or in the background that you'd miss the 1st time.

Absolutely brilliant!

I'd want to give this award to the Simpsons, but after like season 9 or 10 it started lacking, and after 13 it's just been all Republican and Religion jokes.

Enjoy!"


What a great invention. I love you, Aardvark!


-a.

Finish it already!!

Another Mortal Kombat movie? Why?

I must admit this looks the most interesting of the ones they've made so far, but it certainly lacks the real story. It's apparent that they want to make a Mortal Kombat film with the feel of the Dark Knight. I can't blame them, but I just don't see this doing well (especially after they killed off my favorite character in the trailer.)

To my greatest fan,
Cage.

Whoops, I mean:

-a.

Another Writing Contest!

Yep, NBC has one called Writers on the Verge; which is very much like the WB Workshop where top prize is being selected to attend a bi-weekly (that's two times a week) course.

It's a great opportunity and I suggest you all write, write, write-- and submit!

-a.

Justified Rambles

Super Pals Mike and Tim suggested I join a site called Aardvark (vark.com). It's a site that lets you sign up and claim expertise on specific topics. then people from around the globe ask you questions that are germain to your areas of expertise. You then answer them back and get evaluated on how helpful/knowledgeable you are.

My areas of expertise are: Star Wars, Comedy and Lord of the Rings. Just recently I realized that I could add LOST; and did. This morning I awoke to find that a man from Canada asked me what the ending to LOST was. I was hesitant to tell him and told him he should really watch the series. I figured he wouldn't but felt like talking about LOST anyway so I wrote for over an hour straight (leaving out sub plots).

I love you, aardvark, you make it necessary for me to lecture about things I love and can no longer speak about in front of my non-geeky friends.

-a.

Trenchcoat guy from 2001 (you know who you are)

Do you still listen to the "punk" band the Ataris? (note: he mispronounced the name as "At-aR-isss") And do you still believe in the powers of alchemy?

Just curious is all.

-a.

Suxaphone

I usually rent a bunch of DVD's from my local library quite frequently, and today on my way home after returning a stack of five films I was rocking out to Ink & Paper by Modern English and once that bridge hit, I got my usual case of nausea due to the saxaphone playing.

I just don't get it; why do such great bands like Bauhaus, The Cure and David Bowie feel the urge to add some saxophone to a track. Easily the last idea I have for anything is to apply some saxophone sounds to a situation.

It just comes off so cheesy to me, and not just Rock cheesy like Final Countdown but really cheesy. Like so cheesy it's gross and I feel the need for a shower or some sort of bouffant to match the sax.

-a.