Plastic Surgery Disasters

Hollywood today is all about who made the latest sex tape, who looks the youngest, and who got the best plastic surgery done. Unfortunately this "trend" or "lifestyle" has breached through to other industries. A hero of mine has fallen, and it is time that I address this issue.

I am ashamed to announce that the figure pictured on the left is none other than Count Chocula. This is what I refer to as his "Joan Rivers" days. His whole face looks like a pair of wax lips. Roger Rabbit doesn't even look this fake. And yet here stands a once strong and prominent figure in our children's sugary mornings. I was lucky enough to sit down with Count Chocula and ask him about these pressing matters:

Adam: Hello Count Chocula.
Count: Hello.
Adam: I'm just going to spearhead this interview.
Count: Go for it.
Adam: Why have you chosen to get plastic surgery?
Count: I'm glad you asked that, you see no one wants to see an lethargic, wrinkled, old man on the cover of their cereal box. They want hot, young sex kittens purring at them to have another bowl. I can't purr if I ain't on the box.
Adam: I understand what you're saying, but what about Tony the Tiger? He never got any work done.
Count: (laughs) Oh is that what you think? Well he did about 4 years ago. That work just can't be shown on the cover of a cereal box.
Adam: Oh my.
[awkward silence]
Adam: Is it true that you and General Mills are currently in disputes? I mean on the most recent box of your cereal they have an old photograph of you.
Count: Yes, they have my old headshot on the cover of the box. No we are not having any problems. I just was sick for a photoshoot. It was near the deadline, and so one of the three gay bakers for Cinnamon Toast Crunch suggested they just use my old headshot, because he had a sufle' in the oven and needed to hurry home from the photoshoot.
Adam: Wait - those bakers are gay?
Count: I'd love to gossip about who's gay in the cereal industry but I really need to get going. Cap'n Crunch promised to take me out on his boat today.
Adam: Oh, well then may I suggest that we do this again?
Count: I'd love to.
Adam: Let me just say "thank you" to my guest Count Chocula. And let me apologize for bashing him for having plastic surgery done. I understand now, and hope to pick his brain and find out more dirt on the people that bring you a balanced breakfast. Until next time!